


A More Profound Bond

by that_one_67_impala



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean Hates Witches, Drunk Dean, F/M, Funny Castiel (Supernatural), Genderswap, Hunters & Hunting, Hurt Dean Winchester, M/M, Near Death, Pain, Sam Ships It, Witch Curses, Witchcraft, Witches
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-20
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2019-02-17 14:36:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13078962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/that_one_67_impala/pseuds/that_one_67_impala
Summary: Dean and Castiel haven't been friends lately, let alone a couple. Sam notices and takes matters into his own hands. He calls Cas, telling him that Dean needs him. He comes. They fight. Dean gets drunk and drives off. Will this be the end? Will Cas get to him in time? Or will he have lost his true love forever...





	1. The Boys Are Back In Town

**Author's Note:**

> I hope y'all enjoy!

[Chapter One] The Boys Are Back In Town

 

Dean doubles over, clutching his stomach tight. “S-Sammy…!” He tries to scream; it comes out as a whisper. Sam hears the gunshot and runs downstairs. He tries to pull Dean up to his feet but he stumbles and falls to the floor yet again. Sam sets his hurting brother down carefully and draws his gun, running down the hallway of the house. 

Suddenly, Castiel appears behind Dean. He reaches down and tries to heal him, or at the very least, pinpoint what was wrong. None of which works. 

Dean looks up at Cas, pain written across his face. Castiel looks away. He can’t bare to look at Dean while he’s hurt, especially if there’s no way he can fix it. “C-Cas, I’m sorry…” Dean says. His voice sounds vaguely girlish. Castiel’s expression suddenly changes from pained to confused as he looks back at Dean. Except Dean, isn’t exactly the same. 

  
  
  


 

  * __48 Hours Earlier    -__



 

  
  
  


“I don’t care how healthy it is, Sammy! We are  _ not  _ spending fifteen dollars on Veggie Smoothies!” Dean exclaims, his frustration rising. 

 

“You can’t spend your life eating junk food and drinking beer for every meal, Dean. You’ll die.”

 

“So what? I mean, dying of a heart attack seems a hell of a lot better than dying because I got ganked by some monster, don’t you think?”

 

“No; look, you don’t have to drink the smoothies but I’m getting them. Just put it on the credit card if you don’t want to use cash.”   
  


“We don’t have a credit card, remember? Our credit cards, along with most of our cash and fake ID’s, were stolen out of the car when we got jumped.”

 

“Right, and whose fault was it that we got jumped?” Sam asks, a sly smirk spreading across his face.

 

“Just shut up and grab the smoothies you whiner.”

-

“So get this,” Sam begins. Dean turns his attention from the television to his brother. “A man in Oredale, Mississippi was found dead on his kitchen floor two days ago. The police reports say it was a heart attack.”   
  


“Sorry to hear that. Why is this our kind of thing?”

 

“He was twenty-eight years old, Dean. He ran marathons, he never ate junk food. He was the opposite of you and he had a heart attack.”

 

“Okay, what else?”

 

“Mr. Schuler’s sister, Amy, claims he had been acting strange in the days prior. He was avoiding his own daughter, Dean. Not even that, he was  _ scared _ of her.”

 

“And?”

 

Sam sighs, frustration growing, “ _ And _ , when the police searched the house for clues, they found a book of witchcraft and spells under the daughter’s bed. Mr. Schuler died three days ago. His daughter, Kensi, has not been found since.”

 

“So teen witch ran away after daddy ate too many twinkies? Alright, let’s go check it out.”

-

“Agents Paige and Plant; FBI.” Dean tells the Sheriff as he and Sam show their badges.

 

“Why would the FBI be interested in a heart attack?” The Sheriff asks, leading the boys down the hallway of the station and into the morgue.

 

“We’re just following up on a few loose ends for another case.”

 

“Is it alright if we ask you a few questions, Sheriff?” Sam asks, pulling out his notepad.

 

“Yes, of course, Agent.”

 

“How old was Mr. Schuler when he died?”

 

“Mr. Schuler - Patrick - was 28.”

 

“He died because of a heart attack, right?”

 

“Correct.”

 

“Did he have any heart problems prior to the attack?”

 

“No; none on record.”

 

“What about his daughter? Did she have any disorders? Depression, anxiety; anything like that?”

 

“No, not that I know of.”

 

“Has she ever ran away before?”

 

“Not once.” 

 

“How long was Mr. Schuler avoiding his daughter?”

 

“He was avoiding her?”

 

“Yes, for quite a long time. So long that Mr. Schuler’s sister had started to notice.”

 

“Oh, my.”

 

“Anyway, thank you for the information, Sheriff.”

 

“No problem, I hope you boys find what you’re looking for,” She explains, pulling out the body. “Well, I’ll leave you boys to it. Let me know if you need anything else.”

 

“Actually,” Sam begins. “My partner and I would like a copy of the police report and any information or papers you have on the Schuler’s.”

 

“No problem, boys,” She tells them. “I’ll have them ready for you. Just pick them up on your way out.” She says, striding out of the room.

 

They inspect the close. Dean grabs a scalpel and begins to cut into it. Sam turns away, about to puke, when Dean pulls something out of the victim’s stomach. 

 

“Friggin witches!” Dean exclaims, holding a hex bag.

 

-

 

“So, we got nothing.” Dead deadpans, dropping a file on the motel table angrily.

 

“We have one lead: the daughter.”

 

“Yeah, and she’s missing. Now what?”

 

“We could go talk to the sister,” Sam offers, sighing. “I mean, she’s the one that found him; maybe she saw something.”

 

“Yeah, maybe. Tell you what, you go talk to the sister while I hit up the locals and see what they can tell me about the family.”

 

“So essentially, I go talk to a traumatized twenty-something year old while you go to a bar.”

 

“Bingo.” Dean says, smiling at Sam as he grabs the keys.


	2. Night Moves

[Chapter Two] Night Moves

 

“Sorry to bother you miss, Agent Plant; FBI,” Sam shows Amy his badge. “I’d like to ask you a few questions about your  brother’s death.”

 

“Oh, right, come in.” Amy assures, closing the door behind Sam.

 

Amy was nice, sweet, kind. She couldn’t have been over thirty; just a few years younger than Sam. She had orange, curly, hair that went barely past her shoulders. She wore a blue flannel, a worn out pair of dark jeans, and a pair of tattered Vans.

 

“Did your brother have any heart problems that you know of?” Sam asks, sitting across from her in the living room.

 

“No, not that I was aware of.”

 

“Is there anything that maybe threw you off about him in the last couple of days?”

 

“Well, like I told the police, he had been avoiding girls. He never used to be like that. He even avoided his daughter, which was very strange.”

 

“Did he have any reason to avoid his daughter?”

 

“No, she was kind. They both were…” Amy’s eyes wander around the room, then making their way to Sam. She smiles at him softly before looking back at the coffee table. 

 

“Did anyone know about the book the police found under her bed?”

 

“No, I don’t think so. I mean, she was into all that weird stuff. Werewolves, Vampires, Ghosts, Monsters. Supernatural stuff. I think she just had the book for information. She’d gone through phases before. She went through her teenage girl ‘werewolf and vampire’ phase after watching Twilight. Then there was the Monster phase after she watched Friday the 13th and read those dumb Supernatural books. Then the Ghost phase after her and her friends went to Valley Scare last year. Now her witch phase.”

 

“Any idea why she got into witches?”

 

“No, not that I know of. She’s a smart girl, she knew this stuff wasn’t real. Like I said,  I think she just used it for information.” 

 

“Do you know where we could find Kensi?” Sam asks. Amy looks up and meets his gaze. Her cheeks turn a light shade of pink as she fiddles with her hands.

 

“There’s this place she and I used to go. After her mother, Evelyn, died, she-”

 

“Her mother died?”

 

“Yes, she had a heart attack also,” She explains. Sam makes a mental note. “Anyway, after Evelyn died, I used to take her to this little fort Patrick and I made in the forest as kids. It’s out by the old Barker place. We would go there all the time and talk. Sometimes get food or something along the way, but mostly we’d sit in the fort and talk. It was her safe place; mine too.”

 

“Could you show me?”

 

“Yeah, sure, let me just get some things together.”

 

“Sure.” Sam says, standing up and walking out onto the porch. He dials Dean’s number. 

 

-

 

“What can you tell me about Patrick Schuler?” Dean asks a group of people at the bar.

 

“Who wants t’ know?” An older man - no older than forty - slurs to Dean.

 

“Agent Paige; FBI,” Dean states sternly, showing his badge. “Now, what can you tell me about Patrick Schuler?” He asks, pulling up a chair and sitting by them.

 

“He was nice. Never got angry when it didn’t matter. Protective of his family.”

 

“Don’t you mean  _ scared _ of his family, Brody?” A young woman asks.

 

“Kate, don’t-”

 

“Why would you say that?” 

 

“He was avoiding his daughter like she was a terrorist, or some sort of a disease.” Kate explained.

 

“Was he acting strange in any other way?” Dean asks carefully.

 

“No, not really.” Kate answers.

 

Just then, Dean’s phone starts vibrating in his pocket. He pulls the phone out of his pocket and sees it’s Sammy calling. He stands up from his seat. Kate slaps his ass playfully as he walks away. Before answering the phone, Dean pauses and leans down close to Kate. “Here’s my phone number and motel room number. Call or show up. We could have some fun.” He whispers in her ear.

 

“Dean.” Sam says, when Dean finally answers.

 

“Sammy! What did you get out of Miss Schuler?”

 

“Not much.”

 

“Oh, Sammy, you player! Catching every girl in sight!” Dean teases. Sam scoffs on the other line.

 

“Yeah, whatever Dean.”

 

“So what did you get out of her besides that?”

 

“Get this: Patrick’s wife, Evelyn, died four years prior. Around the time he started to avoid his daughter.”

 

“Damn.”

 

“ _ And _ , she died in the same room, same day, four years and four days before her husband.”

 

“Damn, anything else?”

 

“Yeah, Amy and Kensi used to go hang out and talk every time Kensi wasn’t doing so good after her mom had died. This little fort Amy and Patrick had made in the woods when they were kids; that’s where Amy used to take her. I’m going there with Amy to check it out now.”

 

“Okay, I’ll keep trying to get information out of the locals.”

 

“Yeah, how’s that going, by the way?”

 

“Good, I guess. I might have a good night, if you know what I mean.”

 

“Gotcha, just shoot me a text whether or not I can come back to the motel.” Sam states with a laugh.

 

-

 

“Ready to go?” Amy appears behind Sam, closing the door. Sam nods as he ends the phone call.

 

-

 

“This is where you’d take her?” Sam asks, crouching down to get into the fort. It’s bigger on the inside than it looked. Impressive.

 

“Yep, it was a normal thing; coming here with her.”

 

“What did you talk about?” Sam asks, sitting down on a blanket that had been laid out. Amy sits next to him.

 

“Everything, really. Music, books, school. Usual stuff.”

 

Sam couldn’t really deny it, Amy was attractive. He tries to contain himself.  _ “I’m on the job,”  _ he tells himself.  _ “I’m on the job, I can’t be with her. She’s vital to the case and I can’t screw anything up.” _ But, his self-coaching didn’t help. 

Amy looks up at him softly. Sam looks into her eyes. Their electric blue color contrasting with her orange hair, making them stand out. She smiles at him softly. Sam can’t resist it anymore. He leans in slowly and kisses her. Amy looks shocked. They separate.

 

“W-What was that?” Amy asks, her cheeks turning a shade of bright pink.

 

“I… I apologize, Amy. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m working and you’re related to the victim; I shouldn’t have kissed you I apologize-” Sam is cut off when Amy kisses him hard.

 

“You FBI Agents talk to much, you know that?” Amy teases with a sly smirk. Sam regains his confidence.

 

“Then shut me up.” Sam offers. 

 

-

 

“So how was last night, you player.” Dean teases. Sam puts a finger up to his lips, quieting him. 

 

Sam made poor choices the night before. Drinking that much, however, was the biggest. This is, by far, the worse hangover he has ever had in his life (it would probably be hell to Dean too).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry they're short, hope y'all enjoy!


	3. Fortunate Sons

[Chapter Three] Fortunate Sons

 

“Where are we going to find his daughter, Dean?” Sam asks sifting through the files on the table.

 

“I have no clue.” Dean replies with a sigh. He gets up from the table and, taking the last swig of his beer, drops down onto the bed.

 

“We could call Cas.” Sam offers.

 

“No, no. Absolutely not. We can do this without him.” Dean replies sharply, closing his eyes tight as he lay on the bed.

 

“Dean, I know you two haven’t been getting along lately but you’re going to have to face him eventua-”

 

“No! I said no, Sammy! What part of that don’t you understand!” Dean interjects, his voice hoarse. He storms out of the room, slamming the motel door shut behind him.

 

-

 

“Give me the strongest thing you have.” Dean tells the bartender. Big surprise, Dean Winchester storming off to a bar. There’s a woman across the bar from him. She looks nice, harmless. Late thirties? Looks like she’s seen a lot.  _ “Great,” _ Dean thought,  _ “someone else judging me for drinking without knowing what I’ve been through or the shit I’ve seen. This is just what I need.” _

After a pause the woman gets up, it’s as if she could read Dean’s thoughts. The woman gathers her purse, places a fifty on the bar, and whispers something in the bartender’s ear before walking out of the bar without a word. “On the house.” The bartender informs Dean, nodding in the direction of the lady leaving the bar as he slides him a shot. Dean isn’t sure of the contents in the liquor, so he brings it up to his nose and smells it.  _ “I would be able to tell if there were any drugs in this, right?” _ He thinks to himself.  _ “What the hell, one way or another, I am NOT going back to the motel any time soon.” _

He drinks the contents of the glass in one swallow. The bartender shoots Dean a look. Dean tilts his head, confused. The bartender again looks at Dean, and then a bit above him and to the right. Only then, does he realize that someone is standing behind him. He feels a firm but cold hand grasp his shoulder. He knows exactly who it is. “Cas, go away.” He demands, voice still hoarse from screaming at Sam. Castiel makes no point to follow this demand. He sits down next to Dean at the bar. 

 

“I’m not leaving, Dean.” Dean sighs, his frustration grows the longer Castiel is there.

 

“How did you find me?” Dean demands. 

 

“Sam called me… he uh, seems concerned about your state of mind.” Dean rolls his eyes.

 

“You shouldn’t have come.” Dean deadpans, standing up from the bar and walking out. Cas follows quickly behind, placing a twenty on the counter and smiling at the bartender as he leaves.

 

“Why not, Dean?” Cas asks, putting himself between Dean and the Impala. Castiel won’t let Dean drive drunk. Rage builds up inside Dean. He tries to control it.

 

“Because we don’t need you here; I don’t need you here.” Dean regrets it as soon as he says it. He knows he can’t take it back. He knows he might have just lost Cas for good. He manages to look from his shoes back up at Cas. His expression has shifted from hopeful to pained.

 

“I know you didn’t mean that Dean,” Castiel begins, and for a moment - one sweet moment - Dean believes him. But then Cas keeps talking. “I know you need me here; you and Sam. You need my help to find this girl. You need my help on the case like always.” Dean can’t contain his rage any longer. 

 

“Cas. I. Don’t. Need. You.” Dean states again, angrily.

 

“Dean, you don’t mean that. You  _ do _ need me. You always have. You just can’t say it. You never have been able to-”

 

“CASTIEL! FOR ONE GODDAMNED SECOND CAN SOMETHING NOT BE ABOUT YOU AND ME?” Dean screams. Castiel jumps, thrown off guard by Dean’s sudden tone. Dean sighs and runs a hand through his hair, frustration growing more.

 

“Dean, I…” Castiel stutters.

 

“Just go.” Dean orders. Castiel drops his head. And with that, Cas is gone; maybe for good.

 

-

 

“Really, Sam? You called Cas?!” Dean accuses, slamming the motel door behind him.

 

“You need to talk to him, Dean.” 

 

“Well, too late.”

 

“What. Did. You. Do.” Sam asks, sitting forward in his seat at the table.

 

“I told him to leave! We don’t need him, Sam! You never should have called him.” Dean sits down on the edge of his bed.

 

“Dean,” Dean looks over at Sam. “Call him.”

 

“No. I told him to leave and I meant it.”

 

“No, you didn’t.”

 

“Yes I did… maybe. I don’t know, okay Sammy?! I thought I wanted him gone, but then I regretted it. I regretted it as soon as I said it.”

 

“Come on, Dean. How many bad things have you said to Cas before? Hell, you’ve  _ threatened _ the guy before. He’ll forgive you. He always does.”

 

“I said he shouldn’t have come, that we - that I - didn’t need him.”

 

“Cas will forgive you, Dean. Even now.”

 

“I  _ screamed _ at him, Sammy. I was so…  _ mad _ . I was so mad that you called him; that he came for you when he never comes for me. I was so mad because everything always works out for you.”

 

“‘Everything always works out for me’? Was it working out for me when a demon bled into my mouth and killed mom? Or when Jessica died because I wasn’t there to save or warn her, even though I had nightmares about her death a week before? When I was stuck with two Archangels and our brother in the Cage in Hell? When Cas pulled me from hell without my soul and I didn’t have it for a year? When you were in purgatory and I had actually got out of the business only for her husband to come back and them to live happily ever after? When I went through hell to  _ close _ the gates of hell, even though it would have killed me? Or how about when an Angel was possessing me and made me watch as he killed Kevin? When has my life ever worked out for me, Dean?!”

 

“Sammy, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just worried that I drove him away for good. I might have messed this up too much this time.”

 

-

 

Dean and Sam spend the next eight hours straight on research. Every once in awhile Dean would go on a beer run or go get food, but most of that time was for research. Then, Sam’s phone vibrates. 

 

“Amy?” Sam asks, standing from his seat. Dean shoots him a suggestive look. Sam rolls his eyes.

 

“Sam, I found Kensi.”

 

“Where is she?” 

 

“She’s at the house. She’s at her parent’s house. I just saw her go in.”

 

“Okay thanks, Amy. Do me and my partner a favor and lock your doors and your windows, get salt out of your cupboard and make a circle. Then stand in it. No matter what, do  _ not _ step out of that circle.”

 

“Okay…?”

 

“Stay safe. We’ll go and get Kensi. Then we’ll come and get you. I’ll text you before I come to your house so you know it’s me.”

 

“Okay.”

 

Sam hangs up and looks over at Dean. For the first time in a while, Dean’s hopeful. 

 

-

 

When they arrive at the house, Dean takes the downstairs part of the house and, due to a lost rock-paper-scissors match, Sam takes the upstairs. They search for about five minutes until Dean hears something. It sounds like a hissing noise. _ “Holy shit,” _ Dean thinks to himself,  _ “I can speak Parseltongue!” _ He continues walking towards the sound until he finds a girl (Kensi, no doubt), who can’t be any younger than sixteen, kneeling on the floor behind a bed (in what seems to be  _ her _ room). 

The girl is huddled over a book.  _ “The spellbook.” _ Dean thinks to himself. He slowly approaches the girl. She turns around right before he can place his hand on her shoulder. Her eyes are bright sea blue.  _ “Her eyes remind me of Cas’...” _ Dean thinks to himself again. He shakes his head, banishing the thought of Cas. He can’t get distracted now. The girl stands up, she’s only a few inches shorter than Dean. 

She raises her hands, almost as if she were going to high-five Dean. Then they raise to her chest level and push towards Dean. Dean goes flying across the room and slams into the wall. The girl starts to speak in what Dean first thinks to be a different language. Then he realizes, it  _ is _ a different language. She’s trying to curse him! He takes his gun out and fires a shot at her - he misses. She tears off running down the hallway, presumably to the front door.

Dean tries to get up. He manages to push himself up against the wall. Only then does the spell start to work. Dean doubles over, clutching his stomach tight. “S-Sammy…!” He tries to scream; it comes out as a whisper. Sam hears the gunshot and runs downstairs. He tries to pull Dean up to his feet but he stumbles and falls to the floor yet again. Sam sets his hurting brother down carefully and draws his gun, running down the hallway of the house. 

Suddenly, Castiel appears behind Dean. He reaches down and tries to heal or fix Dean, or at the very least, pinpoint what was wrong. None of which works. 

Dean looks up at Cas, pain written across his face. Castiel looks away. He can’t bare to look at Dean while he’s hurt, especially if there’s no way he can fix it. “C-Cas, I’m sorry…” Dean says. His voice sounds vaguely like a girl’s. Castiel’s expression suddenly changes from worried and pained to confused as he looks back at Dean. Except Dean, isn’t exactly the same. 


	4. Highway To Hell

[Chapter Four] Highway to Hell

 

“Dean? Cas and I took care of Kensi. Are you okay?” Sam asks, attempting to help.

 

“No, Sammy. I’m not okay. I sound like a friggin girl!” Dean says, a slightly more girlish tone in his voice than usual. Sam fails to hold back a laugh. Cas laughs a little too. 

 

“Uh, Dean?”

 

“What, Sammy?”

 

“I don’t think your voice is the only thing that changed…” Sam snickers. Dean’s expression turns from cautionary to petrified as he pulls himself off the ground and pushes past Sam and Cas, rushing into the bathroom and locking the door behind him.

It’s a while before Dean can come out. Sam expected him to take a while, but not  _ this _ long. “What the fuck did that girl do to me?!” Panic floods over Dean again as he looks in the mirror. His clothes were baggy, his waist was smaller, his breasts were bigger, he had hips; thank god his hair was still short. Needless to say, that spell-casting bitch turned the all mighty man of Dean Winchester, into 6’2” of sassy girl rage.

He knows it sounds ridiculous. Sammy would never let him live this down.  _ If _ he could even be changed back. Of course he can be changed back, right? Dean is starting to panic again. He slowly opens the door a crack. “Sammy?” He questions. He hopes Sam and Cas haven’t gone far. He’d hate to have to walk around like this in public. 

 

“What, Dean-” Sam stops mid-sentence and bursts out into a fit of laughter. Dean spot Castiel walking around the corner of the hallway and yanks Sam into the bathroom with him where he continues to have his laughing fit.

 

“Sammy. Help me.” Dean pleads quietly when Sam finishes laughing.

 

“What do you want to do?” Sam whispers back.

 

“Well, first I need new clothes. I cannot find a cure for this when I’m in such baggy clothes.”

 

“You’re such a girl.” Sam teases.

 

“Shut up and help me. I need to go get new clothes,” Dean gasps. “Some of my ID’s, they won’t work because I’m a… girl.” Dean realizes.

 

“Then we’ll get you knew ID’s too. One step at a time… big sister. Hey, should we call you Dean from now on? At least until you’re changed back - if you can be.” Sam laughs hard. 

 

“Sure, I don’t care. Now let’s go. I don’t need things to be more awkward.”

 

-

 

“Hello, miss. I, uh. I need a new bra.” Dean stutters nervously to the cashier at a department store.

 

“Oh, okay. Do you know what size you are?” The cashier - Lydia - asks. Dean shakes her head. 

 

“Okay, I’ll just grab you a few different sizes and you can try them on.”

 

-

 

The bras are a lot comfier than Dean thought they were. He definitely feels a lot less exposed with one on. After trying on a few, Dean steps out of the dressing room and into another small area where Lydia was waiting. “That’s a perfect fit!” Lydia exclaims. “I’ll ring that up for you. You should pick out some other clothes, too. Those ones you came in with were awfully baggy. You have a nice shape, show if off!” She encourages, walking to the front desk. 

Dean follows her advice and grabs a few tank tops, a couple of bras in the right size, underwear (obviously), two flannels (green, black, red, and blue), a pair of short-shorts, a pair of ripped jeans, a pair of sweatpants, a sweatshirt, and a pair of black combat boots and sets them on the front desk. 

 

“$86.53.” She says after putting Dean’s clothes into a plastic bag. Dean takes out his wallet and looks around, finding a hundred dollar bill and placing it on the counter.

 

“Keep the change.” He says as he walks out of the door. 

 

-

 

“How’s it fit, Dean-erm, Dean? That’s gonna take some getting used to.” Sam teases as Dean gets dressed in the bathroom of the motel.

Dean decides to wear her dark ripped jeans with the combat boots, a black bra, and a green flannel that he ties up into a crop-top. Dean’s better at fashion than he thought.

 

“How do you like me now, Sammy boy?” Dean teases as he comes out of the bathroom. Sam’s jaw drops as Cas’ cheeks become flushed. Dean does a twirl before sitting down on the edge of his bed, crossing her legs.

 

“Shit, Dean. You actually make a pretty attractive girl.” Sam states plainly. Dean laughs and jokes with him for a while. Cas has been silent since the ‘transformation’.  _ “Does he like girl me or guy me?” _ Dean wonders as he flips through channels. 

After a while Dean gets up to get a beer, he notices on her way back that there’s a spot of blood where he was sitting. He immediately sets her beer down on the table and runs to the bathroom.  _ “Shit, shit, shit!” _ Dean curses to himself.  _ “Are you friggin kidding me?” _ Dean looks at her underwear. Blood. Of course he’s is on her friggin period. What can happen will happen, right? “Sammy?” Dean asks cautiously.

 

“What, Dean?”

 

“Could you maybe make a quick run to the store?”

 

“Why would I do that, we have everything.”

 

“Because I’m having an, uh, issue currently.”

 

“Dude, are you on your  _ period _ ?” Sam asks. He knows the answer. He just wants to hear his big, bad, tough brother say he’s on his period.

 

“....yes. Now will you shut up and go get supplies?” Dean begs.

 

“Yeah, sure, I’ll go.”

 

“Go where?” Dean hears Castiel ask from the bed.  _ “Shit, Sammy don’t tell him!” _ He begs mentally.

 

“On a quick supply run, that’s all. You stay here.” Sam informs.  _ “Shit, shit, and more shit. Don’t leave Cas with me, Sammy!” _ Dean pleads mentally. But it’s too late; he hears the door shut.


	5. Stuck In The Middle With You

[Chapter Five] Stuck In the Middle With You

 

“Dean? Are you okay? Do you need assistance?” Castiel asks from the other side of the door.

 

“No, uh, Cas I’m fine. Go watch tv.” Dean suggests. Thankfully, he hears Cas walk back to the bed and the slight groan of the springs when he sits down. He takes a breath of relief.

 

_ “Now what am I going to do? I can’t stay in here the whole time.” _ Dean ponders. He decides finally to just stuff some toilet paper into her underwear and call it good until Sammy gets back.  _ “Thank god it didn’t wreck my jeans,” _ Dean sighs.  _ “God, I sound like such a girl.” _

 

-

 

“How does it feel?” Castiel asks at Dean opens a beer.

 

“How does what feel?”

 

“Being a… female. Does it feel unusual?”

 

“Hell yes.”

 

“How about your stomach?”

 

“What about it, Cas?” Dean asks, a hint of annoyance in her voice.

 

“Do you have cramps? That is most common among women on their cycle.” Castiel says helpfully. Dean’s face goes beat red.

 

“N-No, I don’t have… cramps. I’m not a girl, Cas.”

 

“...”

 

“It’s just a spell. It’ll wear off.” He assures.  _ “Right?” _ He wonders.

 

-

 

Dean hates being a girl. He hates it all. All of it. He hates how he’s noticing everything about Cas. He’s noticing how he bites his lip when he’s nervous, how he sneaks looks at her when they’re in the Impala, he notices the smirk crawling across his face when he’s looking through the journal.

And all the hormones, and the  _ emotions _ . He’s had emotions and feelings before, but not like this. They’re amplified. He looks over at Cas. He’s attempting to open a beer for himself, although the alcohol won’t do anything for him. Dean watches him struggle with it, but pretends he’s not.  _ “I hope Cas can’t read minds…” _ He prays to herself.

After a few minutes of watching Cas struggle with the cap Dean decides to help. Castiel looks frightened at first when he walks over.  _ “I shouldn’t have screamed at you, buddy. I’m sorry.” _ He says mentally. If only he could form the words and say it to his face, instead of saying it in her head. He looks away from the bottle and up at Cas. Dammit, he’s getting lost in those eyes again. Their dark blue color contrasting with his black hair and brown trenchcoat. Then he looks closer. They’re not just blue. They’re dark blue with light blue and black shards scattered inside them. It’s an ocean. In all the years he’s been alive, in all the years since he met Castiel, Dean has never seen anything more beautiful than Cas’s eyes, or Cas himself.

Castiel is looking right back into her eyes. There’s no awkwardness, just comfort. They’re finally alone and all they can do is look into each other’s eyes. Castiel becomes mesmerized by the green inside them. Because they’re not just green; they’re dark green with shades of bright green and hazel. It’s a forest. In all the years Castiel has watched humans, he has never seen anything more beautiful than the color and hope inside her. Dean is not as simple as Cas once believe he was. 

He isn’t this broken shell of a man that has been blown around in the wind for years. She’s more than that. He’s the ‘righteous man’, the hunter, the big brother (and for the time being: big sister); the one that always steps up and does the right thing, even if it might get her killed. He’s the one person that’s there for everyone, whether they want hers to be there or not. He’s the one person that taught Cas how to be more human and he’s still teaching him to this day. Not only are they best friends, they are more than that.

 

-

 

“Dean?” 

 

“Yeah, Cas?”

 

“Are you still mad at me?”

 

“No, Cas; I’m not.”

 

“Okay, good. You’re not the best hunter when you’re mad.”

 

“I know. Being a girl isn’t really helping, either.”

 

“Why is that?”

 

“There’s too many emotions. I feel like everything and everyone is against me and like I can’t do anything right, like I always mess things up; especially with you.” Dean explains, tears filling her eyes. Dammit he hates being a girl. 

 

“Dean, you have never messed things up with me.”

 

“Yes I have!” Dean exclaims, standing up from the bed. He starts to pace.

 

“Dean. I’m still here after all you’ve said and done to me, am I not?”

 

“Yes, but-” Dean cuts herself off. He can’t even think of anything to respond with.

 

“Dean.” Castiel says. Dean’s body becomes warm. There’s something about the way Cas says her name that always gets her attention. Castiel slowly stands up and walks towards Dean.

 

“Cas, what are you doing?” Dean asks. Castiel is hardly a foot away by now. Dean’s cheeks become flush, her hands a bit sweaty as her heart races.

 

“I have something to tell you, Dean.”

 

“Okay…? What is it?” Dean asks, hesitantly. 

 

“Dean, I haven’t been sure of how to say this for a while. I don’t know what changed but I think I know how to say it,” Castiel says, almost unsure if he should say it.  _ “Is he going to say it? Is he going to say it first? I have to say it first. I can’t let him say it before me. Oh my god. I have to do it.” _ Dean thinks to himself. Castiel begins to shift his weight as his eyes wander around the room. They land on Dean. “Dean, I think I-” Dean cuts Castiel off and pulls him close, kissing him softly.

Her fingertips barely graze Cas’s jaw. Castiel places his hands gently on Dean’s waist and pulls him closer.  _ “Finally.” _ Dean praises in her head. 

 

“About time, Winchester.” 

 

-

 

“I’m back!” Sam alerts from the other side of the door, trying to give them some time to (hopefully) gather themselves back up after their talk.

Dean and Castiel struggle to find their clothes. Castiel is finally dressed, whilst Dean only manages to find her boxers. He scrambles into the bathroom and locks the door as Sam walks in.

 

“Where’s Dean?” Sam asks. Castiel’s face becomes a light pink, he’s looking at the ground, avoiding any and all eye contact with Sam.

 

“Dean - Dean - is in the bathroom.” Cas explains finally. His trenchcoat is folded weird in certain spots, no doubt he put it on in a hurry. Castiel worries that Sam will figure out that they were doing. Will Cas be banished from the Team? Will he no longer be left alone with Dean? Will Sam still trust him?

 

“Okay…” Sam notices the awkward folding in the trenchcoat, and the lack of a tie and belt.  _ “What did they do?” _ Sam wonders. Does he really want to know the answer? “Hey, Dean?” Sam stands outside the bathroom door, waiting for a response.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I got your ‘supplies’.” Sam explains. Dean opens the door a crack and takes the plastic bag.

 

Dean whines a bit as he tries to insert the tampon.  _ “Fuck this hurts. How do girls do it?” _ He wonders. He decides to give up on those and use a pad instead.  _ “These are much easier.” _ It takes him a minute to find her bag of clothes. He puts on her black bra (that, although he won’t admit it, he’s starting to get used to it), her ripped jeans, Led Zeppelin tank-top, red and black flannel, and her brown boots.

 

“Any word on the daughter?” Dean asks, walking out of the bathroom.

 

“Nothing.” Sam answers.

 

“I could look for her.” Cas offers. Dean flinches at the sound of his voice. 

 

“Cas, are you sure you’re strong enough?” Sam asks, sitting down on the edge of his bed.

 

“I think so. It’s worth a try.”

 

“Go for it, Cas. We need all the help we can get.” Dean responds. Sam and Cas look at him, a bit surprised by her response.

Cas seems to be trying his best to locate her, with no luck. “I can’t- something’s wrong. I can’t locate her.”

 

“Maybe she’s warded.” Dean offers. Sam doesn’t even try to get into the conversation. He’s thankful they’re talking to each other as it is and doesn’t want to screw anything up.

 

“No, this is different. I can’t find  _ anyone _ .” Dean looks at Sam, worried. Then back at Cas.

 

“Cas, are you  _ human _ ?”


	6. What I've Done

[Chapter Six] What I've Done

 

“How are you human, Cas?” Sam asks, breaking his silence.

 

“I… I don’t know.”

 

“Well we need to figure this out soon.” Dean interjects, making her way back into the conversation.

 

“What we need to do is find this witch and change you back, Dean.” Sam explains.

 

“That can wait. We need to get Cas fixed.” He responds sharply. Sam and Castiel exchange a worried look.

 

“You want to  _ stay _ a girl?” Sam questions. 

 

-

 

“Dude, slow down.” Sam orders Dean as they speed down the road.

 

“Why? There’s no cops out here, Sammy.” He informs him. Sam rolls his eyes. Dean continues to speed down the road, speeding up slightly. Red and blue lights flash behind them. “Shit” She whispers.

 

“I told you-”

 

“I swear to god if you say ‘I told you so’ I’m going to sucker punch you.” Dean warns. He slows down and pulls over. A cop slowly gets out and walks up to the Impala.

 

“Are you aware of how fast you and your boyfriend were driving, miss?” The cop asks. Dean shakes her head.

 

“He’s not my boyfriend; he’s my brother, and it won’t happen again.”

 

“Heard that before. Are you aware that your left tail light is out?”

 

“No, sir.” Dean informs as innocently as he can. He smiles at the cop.

 

“I’ll need to see your license.” The cop - officer Coulson, he finds out - informs her. Sam snickers slightly in his seat.

 

“Yes, sir.” Dean says. He digs out her new license and hands it to the cop.

 

“Thirty-six?” Officer Coulson asks, skeptical.

 

“Yes, sir.”

 

“Sorry, you just don’t look like you’re in your thirties.”

 

“Well thank you. I must say you look awful young to be a police officer yourself.” Dean flirts. Sam snickers a bit more. Dean slaps his leg hard. 

 

“Flirting with an officer of the law, are we?” Officer Coulson asks.

 

“Maybe I am,” Dean admits. “Maybe you should handcuff me.” He whispers, winking. The Officer doesn’t react at all.

 

“I’d like you to step out of your vehicle please, miss.” The cop insists. Dean obeys and steps out. The Officer proceeds to give her a Sobriety Test. He passes, for the most part - which is definitely a first considering that it’s Dean. Then he pats her down and finds fake FBI, CDC, and Texas Ranger badges. “Want to explain what these are?” The cop asks, holding up the fake badges. “Fake FBI, CDC, Texas Rangers… Is there anything real about you?” The officer asks. Dean smirks and quickly glances over at Sam in the Impala.

 

“My boobs.” He responds. Officer Coulson has had enough of Dean’s shit. In an instant he’s pushing her roughly up against the side of the Impala and twisting her hands behind her back. Sam immediately jumps out and tries to get the cop off of him. Officer Coulson draws a gun that was previously concealed from view. 

 

“You better watch it, boy. I  _ will _ shoot you.” He warns. Sam puts his hands up and backs away. The officer places his gun back in the holster. He takes out a pair of hand-cuffs and puts them on Dean, tightening them severely. He winces, closing her eyes. Sam jumps towards the cop, taking his gun before he can reach for it. Sam pushes the officer hard up against the Impala, freeing Dean. He places the gun on the officer’s chest.

 

“Me and my sister are leaving,” Sam informs, nodding towards Dean. “You never saw us, you never pulled us over. Got it? I  _ will _ come after you.” Sam threatens, pushing off the officer. He motions for his gun back; Sam shakes his head and climbs into the Impala.

 

“Sorry, sweet cakes. He has a bit of a temper when it comes to me.” Dean winks at the cop as he climbs into the Impala.

 

-

 

“Are you okay?” Sam asks after a few minutes of driving. Dean rubs her wrist gently.

 

“Nothing I can’t walk away from. You?”

 

“Are you kidding me? I threatened a cop and stole his gun. It’s been awhile since I did that.” Sam recollects. The siblings share a laugh for the first time in a long time.

 

“How’s it feel?”

 

“Really good, actually.”

 

-

 

Dean drives until he finds a decent bar; fifty miles outside Oredale. He and Sam walk in and take a seat at the counter.

 

“Strongest you got.” Dean tells the bartender. The bartender shoots Sam a worried look; Sam simply nods. The bartender slides Dean the darkest drink he has ever seen. Without ever looking, he downs it in one swallow. Sam watches with concern for his older sibling. 

 

“Dean are you okay?”

 

“It’s Dean until I’m changed back, Sammy.”

 

“Alright. Can you answer my question?”

 

“I’m fine.”

 

“Don’t bullshit me. You said you’d rather be Dean than Dean.”

 

“ _ For the time being _ , Sammy. Jesus. There are bigger things that we need to deal with. That’s all I’m saying.”

 

“Yeah, and one of them is getting your meat suit fixed.”

 

“Yeah? How are we gonna do that, Sammy?”

 

“We start by finding the girl that did this to you!”

 

“Where are we gonna find her, Sammy?! We have no clue where he is!” Dean screams as he storms out of the bar. Sam chases after him. He hears the engine start, the squeak of the wheels and the smell of exhaust as the Impala tears out of the parking lot.

 

“Shit!” Sam exclaims.


	7. Someday Soon

[Chapter Seven] Someday Soon

 

Dean’s eyes are glue to the road in front of her as he speeds down the highway. To what: he doesn’t know. 

 

“What am I supposed to do…?” Dean asks herself as he continues driving. He doesn’t know if he’s expecting an answer or not. Just then, her phone rings. Dean flinches. “C-Cas?” He asks when he picks up the phone. All he can hear is static on the other line. And then a slow sigh.

 

“Hello.” Cas replies. His voice is hoarse, more than usual. Had he been….screaming?

 

“Cas, have you been….have you been screaming?” Dean asks. Another pause from the other end. Dean can hear what sounds like computer keys being pressed. Their clicking is the only sound he can hear from Cas’s end. Another sigh.

 

“You need to come back.” Cas explains. Dean rolls her eyes and presses the gas just a little harder.

 

“I- Cas I can’t.” Dean tells him. Her eyes begin to sting, her vision becoming blurry until he wipes the tears from her eyes. It hurts her to say it - to stay away from him. But he has to. For his safety - he needs to. “Cas, everyone close to me dies, or gets hurt, or is tortured, or  _ worse _ .” Dean explains. He hears a sigh of regret from the other end as he wipes another tear.

 

“Dean, please don’t do this. Don’t hurt yourself because people got hurt. You didn’t know. Please don’t do this, don’t leave Sam. Don’t leave us. Don’t leave me.” Castiel begs. Dean’s tears begin to run faster. He smiles to herself the most painful smile as he wipes them away.

 

“Castiel….my sweet Castiel. Please be safe. Tell Sammy I love him and tell him to be safe too. Please keep my Sammy safe. Please. And Cas?” 

 

“Yes, Dean?” Castiel asks. He doesn’t want to say it. If he says it, it’s over. It’s done. If he says it she can’t take it back. “What is it?” He asks again. Dean closes her eyes, tears falling faster.

 

“I love you.” He admits. Before he can hear what Castiel says back, whether it’s pleading her to come back or saying he loves her back, he sets the phone in the passenger seat. He reaches for the box of tapes in the back seat. He pulls out  _ Someday Soon _ by Judy Collins. “This is for you, mom. I’m coming…” Dean whispers, pushing the cassette into the tape player and turning it up loud. 

Up ahead, he sees it. Bright lights flashing. A semi. In her lane. Now’s her chance. He turns the music up louder, singing along, as he speeds into the back of the semi. Tears running down her face. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed the cliffhanger! I won't be posting again for this story until after January 1st! Because I'm evil like that! Mwahahahaha!!!


	8. The Unforgiven

[Chapter Eight]  The Unforgiven

  
  


“What happened, Sam?” Castiel asks Sam when he makes it back to the motel. Sam hangs up his rain-soaked coat and makes his way towards Cas.

 

“We were in the Impala, we got pulled over, got away, then we went to a bar. Dean… Dean got upset and lashed out and took off. I got a ride back here.” Sam explains. Castiel’s face drops.

 

“Why did you let him go?” 

 

“I didn’t ‘let him go’, Cas. He drove off!”

 

“You know how your brother is, Sam! You should have taken the keys!”

 

“Do you think that for some reason I was in a mood to risk my life trying to take his keys away?”

 

“YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE BETTER!”

 

“Yeah, I should have,” Sam admits. “I should have done better at keeping Jess safe, of not getting killed. I should have done a better job of keeping myself safe so Dean could live a normal life. I shouldn’t have gone with him years ago.”

 

“STOP! I’ve lost one Winchester today and I will NOT lose another!” Castiel orders. For the first time Cas sounds like a General. “Now help me find Dean.”

 

-

 

“C-Cas?” Dean asks shakily from the other line. Cas looks over at Sam. The two look relieved to hear her voice.

 

“Hello.” Cas replies. His voice is hoarse from screaming at Sam.

 

“Cas, have you been….have you been screaming?” Dean asks. Castiel looks over at Sam. He nods towards him, mouthing the words  _ ‘track the call’ _ . Sam sits down and begins to trace the phone. Cas walks over, peering over Sam’s shoulder.

 

“You need to come back.” Cas tries to explain. Does he not understand that they need her?

 

“I- Cas, I can’t.” Dean tells him. Cas closes his eyes tight. His chest is tight, burning. He doesn’t understand. He  _ can _ . He  _ can _ come back. “Cas, everyone close to me dies, or gets hurt, or is tortured, or worse.” He explains. Castiel sighs, his heart heavy.

 

“Dean, please don’t do this.” He begs. “Don’t hurt yourself because people got hurt. You didn’t know. Please don’t do this, don’t leave Sam. Don’t leave us. Don’t leave me.” He begs. Cas can hear her sniffle and laugh softly on the other line.

Sam looks up at Cas. He nods and mouths  _ ‘I’ve got him. Let’s go.’ _ .

 

“Castiel….my sweet Castiel. Please be safe. Tell Sammy I love him and tell him to be safe too. Please keep my Sammy safe. And Cas?”

 

“Yes, Dean?” Castiel asks. He and Sam make their way out of the motel room. There’s silence from her end.

 

“I love you.” He admits. Cas looks at Sam, shocked. He can hear the music blaring through the other line. 

 

“Dean said he loves me…” Cas explains. He looks frantic back at the phone. “Dean, please don’t! DEAN!’ He screams. It’s too late. Sam’s face turns frantic when he hears the song playing through the phone.

 

“Someday soon…” Sam mumbles. 

 

“What?” Cas asks. Realization washes over Sam’s face.

 

“Someday Soon. It’s a song by Judy Collins. Our dad played it for us all the time. It was our mom’s favorite song.”

 

“Why would he be playing that?” Cas wonders.

 

“He’s going to kill himself.” 

 

-

 

The two share a frightened expression. Sam runs his hands through his hair, frustration and panic growing as he tries to figure out how to save his brother. Cas turns away.

 

“DEAN!” Castiel screams into the phone, frantically trying to get a response. He can hear a semi honking in the background of the other line.  _ “He’s really gonna do it.” _ Cas admits to himself. He wipes away the tears that form. “DEAN! DON’T DO THIS! PLEASE, I NEED YOU! I’M NOT LEAVING WITHOUT YOU!” He screams. 

 

Sam looks over at Cas, his heart heavy, eyes burning as he wipes away the tears that threaten to fall. There’s a crash on the other line. Cas and Sam share a terrified expression.

**Author's Note:**

> I was feeling the Christmas Spirit...two days later. Hope you enjoy! Don't forget to leave Kudos if you liked it!


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